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Author Topic: Califax, Committed Relationships 3 April 2017, Daniel, L V NV. USA  (Read 97 times)

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daniel alderfer

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Speaker: Califax, Planetary Prince
Subject: Committed Relationships
Category: Machiventa Melchizedek and Staff
T/R: Daniel Alderfer, Las Vegas, NV.
3 April 2017,20:20 Z

“You can begin Daniel, This is Califax, and what we will talk about today, you might say is not as urgent as somethings that we bring in a lesson to you.  Our purpose is about the subject of marriage and all its glory. It is an institution that can be the most remarkable bliss and the most irritating confinement devised by the universe. Everything in between is where most marriages and committed relationships fall. It’s a remarkable fact that most marriages at least at first approach the relationship like you would behave with someone who is simply your true dear friend. Period, With a friend it is assumed you have no right to kibble and criticize about absolutely anything in their life. You would not think to voice lots of advice for their makeover as it is known by all, that by doing that you will soon lose your friend.

“That true friend that you adore being with and hanging with is simply accepted and even weird idiosyncrasies are looked on with only curiosity and enjoyment because you are harmlessly able to enjoy the show and learn about all the human variety. You watch when they separate all the food on their plate so the peas do not touch the mashed potatoes or the jello salad. You see them happily stay up till two am and get up at ten or eleven in the morning. You have no problem that they save no money, freely being generous with everyone and cannot find fault that they always work an atrociously unbalanced week, putting in approx. 60 hours.

“But let the long term commitment enter into the equation and the chemistry subtly begins to change and the right is felt to point out in no ambivalent terms how it is important to not do, or:  please begin to do something;  [never a black belt and brown shoes together] or [quick oats have much less nutrition then the old fashioned rolled oats] or [to use a toothpick in public is such bad form]. Now on the other hand, your true lifelong friend you adore can pick up an go away for six months to another country for work or education and you are happy and ready to take care of their plants and check on the house no problem. Why wouldn’t you give the same freedom to a spouse? Oh right, [no one says this] but you own them, [at least a little] and they have no right to impose such inconvenience upon you.

Of course I am not speaking of irresponsibility which would be a deal breaker in the relationship, however, your true friend can cause you much trouble and personal loss of their company and you will respond only with kindness and forbearance because you have no right to tell them or ask them to tailor their life around your desires and needs. Now a true old friend often does do all those considerate things, but you never expect anything but simple sincere friendship and only as much as they will freely offer and you are very happy with the set up.

“But let you two begin living together as a couple and watch out. The expectations multiply like dandelion flowers in the perfect lawn. When he forgets the trash on trash pickup day or he reads far into the night in the other room, it is an irritation that you must address. After all you expect him there with you in bed like you have always enjoyed. And when the check book gets way out of whack because she procrastinates giving it attention, or she avoids buying many of the foods you like because [they are bad for your health] this you cannot abide.

Now to see what a really happy marriage looks like: Neither partner has hardly any expectations. Now if she threatens you with a butcher knife, it is too much, but how would you like to be in a marriage where you are given enormous freedom to live in the exact same way your best friend gives you outside of marriage. There would always be agreed upon standards of behavior, but here is the key. Expectations are so low that the partner feels as free as the proverbial good friend we illustrated. We only would choose hopefully, someone of excellent character and dependability and maturity which we would determine by a long period of courtship designed to reveal the true nature of a person.

“But once you or I choose that person, it must go along with enormous leeway in their conduct of their affairs or now our affairs. Here the give and take and compromise is part of the growth that is the main byproduct of such alliances, but to begin and to continue the relationship without the usual norm of the assurance of over control as the right of the spouse, is imperative, this gives a spontaneous environment that is truly a joy to interact in.

“You do not expect or require them to do the usual things as a foregone conclusion, and many, many; infractions are allowed to take place before it becomes an issue. If you married and it is part of the agreed set up, to further common goals like accomplish some financial achievement that requires both to work in initially buying that homestead or whatever, we would of course be totally obligated and constricted by the agreement but on all other matters the same freedom given that best friend would apply.

“To give near total freedom of life conduct and to have practically no expectations, the life style would see many instances that the most pleasurable interactions of companionship and mutual service in the tasks of living would be given and are part of the combine and we then would be most appreciative of, but we could not expect as our right, only if freely given at the partners pleasure. The removal of rigid expectations is a balm and lubrication of cohabitation that is head and shoulders above the restrictive environment that everyone jokes about at the wedding, [Now you’ve done it, kiss your happy life good bye] The tragedy is that more often than not, it is true.

“Yes you adore the personhood of your new companion and relish every moment with them and three hours pass like 15 minutes. What I’m talking about is that there is a much better biosphere for flourishing fauna, when there is an ambiance of freedom, patience, mercy, forbearance, and more then comfortable expectations and demands. With low expectations, all is put on a footing of personal responsibility only, for the maturation of all concerned [Just like the gift of acceptance you give a true dear friend].  

“This way of life [Laid back, comfortable giving of leeway to the partner in all things] is totally intolerable by the type one individual, aggressively pushing all aspects of their life forward in a rigorous field trip of accomplishment and sacrificial time management, demanding enormous  output from any one in their circle and on their team. Fine, search and find, and it is possible, the commander of the special forces commando training branch of the military, male or female and marry them. Nothing wrong with that type collaboration either. The court ship to put two persons together as help meets for a vigorous journey in what every turns you on is the wonderful exploit open to everyone in the physical life. The aspect that clouds the sunny days of millions is the holding feet to the fire, that really are truly free and that you have no right to hold to the fire.

“Of course we can remedy this speedily by getting out of dodge and giving up on the relationship if it has become onerous.  But will a person seeking maturity or who is coming into lots of maturity be quick to do that? What happens is that this happy life I am describing will come only with much trial and error. One or the other of the partners is usually way, way, behind the other in embracing this new enlightened outlook.  

“Most in the moment are only half way there to giving this kind of friendship to a spouse that we have tacitly construed, if not agreed openly, that they owe this kind of intertwined acquiescence of relinquishment of personal freedom to us because we are committed, we are a couple, we are an item. Here we [any one beginning to have a relationship with The Father] and this is the miss matched situation in most marriages in the world at this time, cheerfully serve them patiently even though we know of a much happier and better way. We give them the sweet gift of allowing them to come along at their own natural pace.

“Intellectual and spiritual understandings are another big, bug a-boo. As a young male chauvinist pig husband, many of you that are male have been seen to demand from your spouse the same exact attitude you have about things and you made it a point to endlessly harangue on the issue till at least seeming agreement and harmony reigns in your little kingdom. Does it really? Giving absolute total freedom for any and all beliefs on any and all subjects, erroneous or not, is one of the most basic complements that we appreciate from those we rub shoulders with as neighbors, coworkers or family.

“One of the cardinal premise’s of human life is giving advice only when asked. We only disregard this when previously we have entered into training or teaching relationships that gives them full right to let us have it at any moment for any reason.  However you will notice in the account of the Masters life on Urantia, many times, comments were made that were highly correctional but were done with such tact and wisdom the person actually appreciated them. Usually the point of instruction needed, was sandwiched between a mention of the many positive characteristics he had noticed.

“Being corrective, usually does not fly in a marriage relationship because of the nature of kindly comradery, but can be the biggest infraction the more mature member has to constantly let pass, as the price of the most commodious continuing of the marriage. All the while confident there are few ways better construed to enhance the offending partners maturity then lots of forgiving merciful tolerance of egregious behavior [within reason of course].

“All during the next couple millennium of the MSM to Urantia, the customs of committed relationships and marriage will be before us all. These understandings in today’s lesson will hopefully help to bring more happiness and contentment in one of the most wonderful physical institutions of collaboration seen in the universe and that is a big statement! The scene of a young couple homesteading in a newly opened frontier, masculine and feminine gifts melded to masterfully fit the creative challenge of rough environment and the loving training of children, yielding a balance in the children in a curve of rapid maturity and wisdom, that is most appropriate. It is difficult to improve upon this premise. This is Califax with feelings of warm pleasure in covering this instruction. Most happy regards and a good day to all!”

« Last Edit: April 03, 2017, 15:46 by daniel alderfer »
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